As I’m writing this it’s Thursday evening, this is the third version of this post that is now being drafted up. I’ve gone through different moods and different tones over the last five weeks of drafting, rewriting and tweaking this post – all of which has had a differing title, all of which encompass what’s been happening and how I’ve been feeling. As I’ve sat down to write this for the third time, I’m actually going to use the different titles from each of those versions, and the snippets of how I’ve been feeling to explain my little hiatus and my life changes.
As you’re reading this I’m starting my first day in my new job (more on that in a second), but that of course meant handing in my notice on my old one, a job I loved with colleagues that I loved and for the most part clients that I liked, a job that I have spent almost four years in but over the past few months started to feel like it was turning permanently toxic for me down to one person and there were weeks where I was made to feel miserable and angry.
It was a big decision to leave and one that took me almost six weeks to finally come to a decision on what my next path would and should be. The day I’m writing this I am about to go to sleep and wake up for the final time and do my 40 minute drive to work and sit in an office environment, working in a digital agency and managing primarily eCommerce websites being built every day for SME’s. Over the final week I’ve really struggled with the fact that I’m going for a number of reasons, but primarily feeling like I was pushed out of a job that I didn’t really, deep down didn’t want to leave and one I thought I had a lot more to give to, but was rarely given opportunity or recognition.
I guess that might sound a little strange – but I can’t really divulge the full details of the situation online as you can imagine, and quite frankly we’d be here for hours. Ultimately I know it has been the right decision as the day I made up my mind I was going to hand in my notice, the next morning I woke up feeling like a tonne of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders.
But where next?
A Leap of Faith
In that 6 week period where I’d decided I needed to leave, but didn’t quite know where I was going to go – I struggled, the job market in my area for my role was slim pickings and I struggled to find somewhere to move on to. I’ve mentioned a couple of times here in the depths of my blog that my parents owned their own business and one day after a discussion about how I wanted to leave they suggested I came and worked for them “ha, ha, ha” I thought to myself – thanks for the jokey offer. And it wasn’t until that over the coming weeks where it was mentioned again, and then again – each time more with a more serious tone that it felt like it was a real option.
During this time I had also secured an interview for my local council, but as I prepared for it and researched the role for hours the more it didn’t feel suited for me. I’m used to a fast paced agency life and the world of stuffy council politics did not excite me at all and after my interview I ended up withdrawing my application. Simultaneously I started thinking about what this role at my parents would be in my “dream world” without mentioning it to anyone, and internally double checking that it was going to be the right move for me, not just a stop gap. So off I trotted to have a serious discussion about what my role would entail and we were all on the same page.
Essentially my job will be to continue doing what I am doing, overseeing the development of new and existing websites for them but internally, managing an external development resource and handling things like product data, photography bits and anything else that’s needed as and when. The best part? I can mostly work from home meaning I get to spend more time with my poochies and by cutting out all the time I spent commuting I will have more of my life back and flexible working hours if needed.
The post title of a leap of faith was where this post title all began, and after I’d completed it I realised that this wasn’t a leap of faith at all, and it was a different way of continuing to do the job I love.
In the background I’ve been prepping for this change over the past month, and it’s not just the job that’s been waiting a September new beginning.
Getting my office kitted out was job number one when I found out I was working from home. I had all the important bits already, but the office had not been decorated or furnished properly – I wanted a space that felt like me, felt like home and most importantly I didn’t have to drag myself out of in a few weeks or months time. That meant I had to finally come to a decision on wallpaper after ordering hundreds of samples, but guess what I settled on one of the first, if not the first one I found. You can see a little sneak peek in the pictures through this post, but a full office tour will be on it’s way over the coming weeks.
Over the past month I’ve gone a little quiet on here, I’ve been scurrying away in the background and you may have noticed that during that time my blog has undergone a redesign and moved self hosted. It’s not something that’s completely perfect yet, and I’m looking forward to doing the final tweaks on it over the coming months (now I have time – yay!). But this is now the third major version of Helpless Whilst Drying and I hope that v3.0 is as exciting as I want it to be I have lots of great ideas.
September 2019 is the month for a big reset for me, and I just wanted to encourage anyone else who is feeling stuck, trapped or miserable to try and find the solution that will take the weight off their shoulders too. It feels really, bloody good.
The world is your oyster, it’s your turn to go and get it.